Butterflies and Bullshit

Chapter 1- Change Your Thoughts to Beautify Your Life

The biggest question people ask me is how they can change their thoughts to being positive, loving, honest, and faithful like me.  They say “I want to think the way you do, Natalie.”  I tell them they can.  It is about healing and changing your world around you and how you see it.  I tell them to never have expectations, pass judgment, or react without really thinking. You need to dig into it before you react.  Think before you speak!  Do I choose to see what is good or do I choose to see what is wrong?  100% of the time when something is wrong, you created it.  When you focus on the bad it will continue to get worse and worse.  It is never about them.  It is always about you and your judgment against another.  Stop blaming others for everything and look at what you did to create this.  Be excited with the miracle of life.  Stay astounded by everything.  God is always beside you and you‘re never alone.  Today is a new day and dreams come alive again.

I was told by Archangel Metatron to begin detoxifying myself by not holding any negative thoughts, but only loving.  When you stand for love, you will never fall down.  Now this was a very enormous job I didn’t think I could accomplish and every day I work very hard on it.  I am consciously aware of things that hurt or anger me and why it did.  I feel it for a moment.  Then I surround it with love.

The biggest piece to healing myself was to understand expectations.  My Swede was the biggest teacher in this lesson.  When we meet someone, love someone, do something, pray for something, or someone speaks to us, we place an expectation on them of how we want them to behave or the way we want the outcome to be.  We expect our loved ones to say and behave the way we want them to.  We expect our lives to become a certain way.  We expect our children to be perfect.  We expect everyone to talk to us the way we want them to.  We expect God to answer our prayers the way we want.  We expect people to behave the way we want.  We expect when we tell somebody to do something, they will do it. We expect them to do it exactly how we want them to and when.  That is controlling another person or thing. CONTROL!!!!

So when they don’t do it exactly the way we want or things do not work out the way we wanted, we blow with anger or hurt.  We cannot control ourselves.  Now you have caused yourself a lot of unnecessary negative energy.  People only behave the way their soul knows how to behave.  Do you want others to have expectations on you?

Here is a good example of expectations.  I helped a beautiful woman a year ago.  The angels told me she needed me immediately.  I hadn’t talked to her in years.  I sent her an email, she called instantly, came to my house and I saved her from killing herself.  She had an incredibly difficult situation with the father of her children who was keeping their daughter from her.  He lived on the other side of the country.

I helped her get her emotional health back together and she moved across the country.  Got an apartment near the father and they started working together beautifully sharing the children with their work schedules.  She never showed anger and handled the entire thing like an angel.  Everything began to work wonderful for them.  They were working together harmoniously, began doing things as a family again and eventually started having sex again.  It was a beautiful story of how two parents could put aside their anger and do what is best for their beautiful babies.  Everything was perfect in her eyes.   I told her every step she took to NOT have any expectations.

However, one day she called me extremely angry and hurt.  All she could say is, “Why? Why, Natalie? Why?  How could he do this to us?”  She found out there was another woman.  She was second best in the game.  I let her get it all out and then put an end to it.  I said to her, “Honey, you can stop blaming yourself because you did nothing wrong.  You had a beautiful dream of doing what was best for your children.  You wanted to have the family back together.  You wanted to do what you felt was the best for everyone.  It is ok!  You only wanted to do what your heart was telling you.  But, this is also ALL your fault.  I told you not to have an expectation on anything.  You placed and expectation on him wanting the same thing as you did.  You placed an expectation on how he should behave.  You placed an expectation on him to bring the family back together.  So when he didn’t do what you expected him to do, you got angry and filled with pain.  It was all you and you created your own reality.  He only behaved the way he knows how to for what is right for him.  You can’t blame him for the way he acted.  That was his choice and that is what he wants.  Why is he wrong for following his instincts based on who he is?  You based expectations of who you are on him.  That is not fair.  Let him be himself and you be you.  Forgive and let go.  Just let it go.”

Next, I told her, “You caused yourself so much unnecessary bullshit because of the huge pile of expectations you placed on him, that he doesn’t even know about.  Reverse the roles and how you would you feel if someone did that to you?  Your mother placed expectations on you and you didn’t behave the way she expected you to.  She went against you with complete anger, when you did what your soul knew was best for you.  Now you see it is the best decision of your life.  Yet, you have to suffer because your mother wants you to do what she wants.  That is what you just did to the father of your children.”  Her lights turned on in her mind.  She completely got what I said.  I teach with honesty and love.  Sometimes people do not like what I say because it is truth.

Furthermore, I asked her this, “Do you want your beautiful daughters to grown up and marry a lazy man who relies on his parents to support him and wants to play video games all day?“  She answered, “Absolutely not!”   I replied to her, “Then why do you want that for yourself?  You are the teacher and your children will grow up to have a man just like yours.  Maybe God didn’t answer your prayer for a reason.  Maybe your job as a mother is to show them independence and self-respect.  Then one day a great man will come to you who‘s a good example.  Find that man that you want your children to marry and be that person you wish they could find for themselves.  Set a good example.  Trust in God’s plan for you and live without expectations.  Just do your best and God will take care of the rest for you.  Forgive yourself for doing what you thought was right.  And forgive him for doing what he though was right.”  That was the end of the conversation.

Honestly, we need to listen to the other without judgment when they speak.  Either they are showing us who they really are or what we honestly don’t want to hear.  When a person speaks to us, we react instantly.  If this reaction is negative, then you have some work to do inside.  Normally, when we are reacting without listening to the entire conversation, it is never fair to the person speaking.  Step out of it and listen.  Listening is the greatest wisdom we can give to ourselves and others.  It is where you learn the most.  Listen!

Helping people is another way I have learned about expectations.  They have a path.  They have an easy route or the difficult route.  I tell them both.  75% of the time they choose the hard way.  It breaks my heart to watch them.  But, I have to remember they are not done banging their heads against the wall yet.  They have not learned enough so they have a need to create more hell for themselves before they get it.  I love them and I don’t judge them for what they choose.  All I say is “You were told!  What you do with it is your choice, I still love you.”  I can’t have any expectations on them how to behave.  I wish the best for them, but they are not ready to be healthy yet.  They cannot face the truth, even when they know it.

As I said earlier, my Swede was my greatest teacher of expectations.  Through all our challenges when we were together and living 6,000 miles apart, I learned this lesson the hard way.  What I learned was, I needed to never forget he loves me so much.  In my relationships I will be fine as long and I remember he has the right to feel his own emotions about issues that anger or hurt him.  I need to listen and know they are not my emotions.

How I react while he is expressing them is my problem.  I need to listen with an open heart, not defensiveness.  But with love, so he can express it the way he needs to.  No, I don’t always agree, but he feels it.  I must accept that and without judgment work together to solve it.  We continue to grow every day.  Each day is a lesson, or challenge and some are intense.

It is difficult to see the mirror what that relationships show me of my own bad behavior.  Things I do not want to hear that hurt and make me angry are what I need to hear the most.  Those emotions only signal unnecessary suffering within myself.  If I don’t listen to the things he does not like, then how do I ask him to do the same for me?  We are in this together.  We need to act like it.  Accepting it is a beautiful way to love another back.  Just learn to step back, stay calm, and say “FUCK IT! I WILL GET THROUGH IT!”  We will always come out above it.  It is a lesson!  I am being loved and guided through it by him. That is what relationships are about.

Listen and try to understand.  If you don’t understand what they are saying, it is your job to tell them.  Allow them to explain!  Know you will live through it.  Try to make it the easiest you possibly can.  Emotions come when we have fear in ourselves.  Judging the other and how you react becomes our karma in it.  That is the mirror he shows me of my own bad behaviors I need to change.  Listen, love and understand!  Then you can change it, fix it and love each other through every difficult moment.  Love is the only answer to every single question you have about everything.  When you ask yourself how are you going to do this or that?  Love, trust and respect it.  You have to fight for the good love.  You have to heal each other and help each other through it, even if hurts like hell or pisses you off.

So, be grateful to them for saying it.  Love them for loving you enough to care about you to say it.  Mistakes are needed to learn.  Challenges are thrown in your path to face them.  Accept them with integrity.  We are all here to learn and LOVE.  Say thank you to them because you want to be a better person.

Another expectation I never placed on my Swede is what he will do with his life. If one day he said to me that he chooses to stay in Sweden, keep his life and stay with his son, I must accept that. If he moves to USA and says this is not what I want, I must accept that. I loved him and I wanted what was best for him. I can’t be angry with him for what he wants. I will survive and my heart will hurt, but I love him enough to let him go and understand that he wants what he thinks is best for him. Why would I selfishly hang on to something that does not want me and wants different for himself? I can’t! I will not destroy myself with pain and anger if he chooses that. I love him enough to let him be who he wants to be even if it does not include me.

Before you respond to anything you need to think. You need to respond with loving words. When you get angry or hurt, you have lost control and let the other take your power. Are you proud of your pain and anger? Are you proud of what you have to offer this universe with the way you behave? Who are you to reject the gifts that God gives you because you don’t like it. You chose those lessons before you came to earth. Next, you curse and blame God for what you have to face. You obviously needed it and God was helping you. Do not do anything in this beautiful universe that you can’t be proud of. That includes everything you do and say. When bullshit gets thrown in our path, it will open your heart to face the change and challenge. You can blame another or feel unlucky. When you approach everything with a negative reaction, you cut yourself off and close off your heart. You take the gift God sent you and throw it back in his face. These gifts are only given to you to help your soul along with the lessons it has come here to learn. Listen to yourself. You have so much to teach yourself about how you think. Look in the mirror staring back at you. It always changes.

How to make the biggest change in your life is to try to never judge, never expect, and really think hard before you react. Sometimes I take a ‘time out’ for days before I react to something. When I have thought it out and can handle it with integrity, only then am I ready to react to it. 100% of the time your judgments, expectations, and reactions are wrong if you do not find the truth in it. When you take that time out your thoughts will change to a more positive and loving mindset. Never react out of anger or pain. You will create an action that could affect things very badly. Don’t create in your head what is not real. That is how you get out of the box and set yourself free. Allow others to be who they are. Everything and everyone is not a mistake.

We have 60,000 separate thoughts every day. Each day we choose the same thoughts over and over. You need to step back and ask yourself this question, “Are the thoughts going through my head actually true or did I create them to be something else?” When you constantly tell yourself that it is too difficult to deal with, or it will take me forever to do that, or I cannot heal that, or it is too impossible to do that, or I feel that person did wrong to me, then that is what you have created in your head.

Those thoughts almost 100% of the time are wrong. You need to reexamine it will a loving mind and you will see everything is just as it is and will be okay. When you surround it with a negative thought you will not find your way out of it. You are a human being and sometimes things make us angry or sad. Sometimes we don’t want to think the right thing and choose the negative thought instead. Breathe in your thoughts and allow love for yourself to come. Then you will see all those negative thoughts were just that, negative. You are love and you need to react with love.

First thought that is negative, your neck gets tight, or you hold your breath, your heart rate goes up and you get anxious. That is where you need to stop. Breath in, breath out. Identify it! If possible, writing it out is best because you can look over it, see the truth in it and see how ridiculous is. Last, look back on the situation and how it would be if you would have reacted negatively. Choose to change those thoughts. We are much more critical of ourselves than others. When you change the way you think, your whole body will change. Stress, anger, fear, pain and worry cause 70-80% of heart disease. So if you want a heart attack, keep thinking negatively.

~Stress never changes anything, except yourself. –Erik Grondahl

~A ton of worry never paid off and ounce of debt. –Finnish Proverb

~The worst part is not in making a mistake but in trying to justify it instead of using it as a heaven-sent warning of our mindlessness or our ignorance. ~ Santiago Ramón y Calah

~Don’t write a check from your mouth you can’t cash with your ass.

~Life isn’t happening to you, it is responding to you. –Rhonda Byrne

~Life is an echo. What you send out is what you get back. – Chinese Proverb

~Everything is a reflection of a choice you made. If you want different results, make different choices.

~We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget.-Joan Didion

~ The GREATEST illusion in this world is the illusion of separation

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Thank you so much for reading. I love you!

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Copyright © 2011 by Natalie Newman All rights reserved

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