Butterflies and Bullshit

Chapter 9- God Gives Us People to Love and Things to Use, Not Things to Love and People to Use

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married?  HELL NO!  Neither are you.  We spend so much time trying to change another to become what WE WANT.  We forget to let them be themselves.  Then complain because we do not like who they are years later.  Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them too, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.  Maybe your journey together at that point should be over if you cannot look at them and say I am so proud of the person you have become.  Many marriages would work if the husband and wife clearly understood they were on the same side.

You also need to be able to look at yourself and see the person YOU have become while the two of you have been together.  If it is not a good feeling then maybe it is time to open your eyes a little wider to your feelings.  Understand that they come and they go, you learn and you grow, and then LET IT GO.  Pray for God to take it.  It will either heal itself or God will assist you in ending it peacefully.  The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow.  If you hold it too tightly, you will lose it.  Put a smile on your face.  Be grateful for the adventure.  They are your teacher.

Most relationships were not meant to hang on to forever.  You know in your heart when it is time.  You are not alone with your pain.  Reach out for help.  EVERYONE on this earth has had a broken heart.  God doesn’t give you the people you want.  He gives you the people you need.  To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and make you the person you were meant to be.

      We take a risk when we open our hearts because the truth is, if we open our hearts, we will get hurt. You can’t open your heart and not have some hurt because you’re in a human experience. Even if it’s the love of your life and you have many wonderful, deepening, growing, powerful years together, it’s a human experience and that person will pass over. Love takes courage. Be courageous. ~Mary Manin Morrissy

     Love is the opposite of ego.  Ego is argumentative and aggressive upon the mind.  It splits the world into right and wrong, us and them.  Love is generative, compassionate, and embracing all creation.  Ego pays attention to what is being said.  Love pays attention to how things are said.  Ego leads to debate.  Love leads to communion.

My Swede and I faced many issues that were very difficult together.  However, with each problem we got better, our attitudes got better, we grew spiritually, our self-esteem grew, our parenting got better, our relationships with our families got better, our gratitude for life got better, our friendships got better, and our faith in God grew with every shitty moment we faced.  We stand beside each other when the other was knee deep in shit.  We crawled and fought our way through it.  With each moment our souls grow.  I step back and realize he made a mistake.  We all make mistakes, myself included.  I did not try to make him suffer for something he had to learn from.  I vowed to support him through every horrible and beautiful moment.  I made a promise and I keep my promises.

Some moments I would rather run than face it.  Each moment was a step closer to a better self and relationship.  There is no force greater than unconditional love.  Our love upheld the greatest enemy to it, ourselves.  We kept learning and working very hard together.  When God feels we are ready and strong enough, then maybe we will come together.  Situations may not be pleasant at times in a relationship, but as long as you see it is moving forward, then you know it is worth fighting for.

The most important thing you can give a relationship is time and space.  Accepting who they are and realizing you cannot control anyone.  However, you can be lovingly honest about your feelings.  Think before you speak.  Realize you are not the same.  Their lessons are different.  Men and women DO NOT think the same at all.  So take that into consideration when you do not like their actions.  Let them change on their own.  Tell them how you feel.  Stop bitching about it continuously.  They will just rebel against you.  Handle the situation with integrity as you want to be treated.  Then surround it with love.  Give them the freedom to want to be better and that is when you get change.  Encouragement and patience does pay off.  When you don’t yell at each other, beautiful outcomes will rise from it.

 

Natalie’s 5 Rules For Lovers

1) Hug them once a day- it gives you a feeling of relief, comfort, love and security.            

2) Kiss them hard once a day- keeps the erotic passion flowing, keeps the relationship alive.                                     

3) Smile at them once a day- If it sucks for you, it also sucks for them too. You will survive it TOGETHER.

4) Tell them I LOVE YOU every day while looking into their eyes- Reminds the both of you about the commitment of your spirits together and keeps your love untouchable. 

5) NEVER, NEVER go to bed angry- It is the worst feeling to in the world to both of you.  Get your ego out of the way and fix it enough without arguing, so you can have a peaceful sleep.

 

Sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture and the people that you’re stressing over.  Get rid of your toxic relationships.  It’s time to cancel their subscriptions to your life.  The people in your life should only enhance your quality of living.  When you know it is over, then it’s time to pack up your lessons from your partner or friend.  Cry, scream, throw things (not at others of course, but pillows work well), and do whatever you have to do to get those emotions out.  FEEL IT!!!  It is important to feel it and you have the right to.  Do not keep it locked up inside to grow into a ticking time bomb.  Don’t be afraid of the shadows, because that only means there’s a light nearby.

      ~God always has something for you, a key for every problem, a light for every shadow, a relief for every sorrow & a plan for every tomorrow. ~Unknown

Next, you have to sit and look at what lessons you needed to learn, pick up all the pieces of you scattered all over the floor and put yourself back together again.  You died inside and now it is time for rebirth.  You do not see the caterpillars crying because it is over and refusing to become butterflies.  So why the hell do you resist change?  If you do not make a transformation you cannot become something more beautiful.               When you get through it all, you will be even better than you were before you met them.  Let them go forward on their journey.  Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.  Forgive them so your fear can stop and you can be grateful for what they taught you.  Do not shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find and keep.  The quickest way to find love is to give love.  If you want it too badly, you will not find it.

Now, get ready for the new doors of adventure to open.  Heal your heart and don’t drag your baggage to the next relationship.  Nobody deserves that.  When you open a new door, you are graduating to a higher level and it is always better for you than the last.  Smile, open that door, and keep walking your path knowing you tried your best at that moment.  Be grateful for the new beginnings that come your way.

      ~Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ~William Gibson

I have much sympathy for those who cannot pull themselves out of the hole.  They never let go and continuously create unneeded suffering for themselves.  They get comfortable in the hell and forget about what they need to make them happy.  They hang on and cry over it.  They post it on Facebook or constantly whine about it every day.  Complaining they cannot get over that person and they cannot live without them.  Why? Why? Why?  Dragging every single person around them through their misery and filling others with their negativity.  They are always looking for sympathy and people to feel sorry for them.  When people walk away from you let them fucking go.  Your destiny is never tied to people who leave you and it doesn’t mean they are bad people.  It just means their part in your story is over.  Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you.

Did you look in the mirror and ask why?  Did you deserve it?  Did you treat it right?  Did it treat you right or deserve you?  Did you just hang on because you are scared?  Do you fear with 7 billion people on earth there was nothing else for you?  Or is your fear of being alone?  What do you need to learn and you do not even realize it?  Was it healthy for you?  Where do you think the relationship would be 10 years from now?  Why you sit and cry over something that DOES NOT want to be a part of your life?  IS THIS PERSON ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTING THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE?  Why would you want to make someone your everything when you are only their something?

Cheating is never an accident.  You don’t just trip and fall into a vagina.  People who are in happy relationships do not cheat.  They cheat because they are missing something from their partner.  They are craving attention which they are not getting from the one they love.  Why do we always feel sorry for the one who got cheated on?  The question is why did that person cheat?  What were they lacking at home to make them go get it from somebody else?  Stop pointing the finger at the cheater and point at both people.  Each of them made mistakes to get that relationship to that point of cheating.

Normally, affection and sex is what they are missing at home.  That is why they go somewhere else to find it.  So if you want to keep it at home, then you have to take care of it. Studies say that 68% of American women would cheat if they knew they wouldn’t get caught.  8 out of 10 marriages in America one cheats.  Seriously, what have we become in relationships and as a people?  Why are people in relationships when they want to go find pleasure with someone else?  Your partner is supposed to be YOUR BEST FRIEND who you are sharing your life with.  If you wouldn’t treat your best friend like that, then why are you treating the person you say you love and have a relationship with, like that?  Cheating is  behavior like flirting, talking dirty, kissing, or sex, that you would not want your partner to do.  I never do to another without thinking to myself, “How would I feel my man to did that behind my back?”  Then if you take any actions after the answer is no, then you have cheated yourself and your partner.  Don’t forget the karma coming back to you for your behavior also.  If you have sex with a married person, be careful when you love someone enough to marry.  Karma is a bitch and you need to learn a lesson about breaking another person’s heart and destroying their life.  Just sayin!

62% of married men in America have affairs with someone they work with.  The man is not getting the attention at home from the wife, who is probably overwhelmed, bitching all the time and has withdrawn from sex.  People spend most of their time at work so you create a relationship with them.  Most spend more time with co-workers than their spouse.  Just a little flirting and things begin to get out of hand.  It feels good and they cannot get that from their spouse anymore.  This goes for both women and men.

54% of Americans know someone who is cheating.  I have many people from other countries ask what the hell is wrong with Americans.  We look like out of control idiots.  Americans have no value in a relationship or family.  I watch women hop from bed to bed being afraid to be alone.  I call them ‘bed hoppers’.  Most already have the other bed ready before they leave the one they are in.  Most times they find someone within a week to replace the last one.  AFRAID TO BE ALONE!

~You are going to feel alone, until you can live alone with yourself, only then can you feel complete and whole.  That is when you open yourself to another who is also comfortable with their self.- Natalie Newman  

~It is easy to take off your clothes and have sex, people do it all the time. But opening up your soul to someone, letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, and dreams…………THAT IS BEING NAKED!

~ Love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep on watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it. ~John Lennon

Experience is what you get when you are looking for something else. There are 7 billion people on this earth. So you know there is someone else out there to love you. That person is NOT the last one on earth. And PLEASE, do not think that having a baby is the way to keep a relationship together. A baby will not going to save anything.

Also, seriously look at how that person treats you and others. That is how they will be towards a child. Think before you destroy an innocent life for selfish reasons. If it is meant to be, it will be. God will never leave you all alone and you will always have someone to help you through. But it is ONLY you who understands how you really feel. Others can’t help you, only you can help yourself. No one can drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys. If you aren’t happy being single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from within, not from another.

We forget about what we need to make ourselves happy. Letting go is the most heart-wrenching experience. But hanging on is a much greater hell we create for ourselves. How long do you want to hang on and exist in the hell before you decide you need better? You do deserve better. Let go of the negative energy that nobody could love you better. We have many loves in our life and each one will be different. Still each one will be better than the last. Don’t be a person that needs someone, be a person someone needs. If they miss you, they will call you. If they care, they will show it. If not, then they can’t be worth your time because you are obviously not worth theirs.

If you don’t treat yourself with respect other people will follow your example. Being single doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you’re strong enough to wait for what you deserve. The best thing you can do is be alone and have some damn patience. Wait for somebody to respect you and treat you right. Don’t settle for only half of what you dream. Let go and love yourself first. Let the Laws of Attraction work for you. One day someone will walk into your life and you will see why it never worked out with anyone else.

~A true friend doesn’t care when you’re broke, being a bitch, what you weigh, if you don’t see them for months, if your house is a mess, what you drive, about your past, or if your family is filled with crazy people. Your conversations pick up where they left off, even if they have been years apart. They love you for who you are. ~ Unknown

You will always have a group to support you on your journey. That is why people come and go. You lose common ground. You just begin to drift off to more like-minded people. Our circle of support changes as you change. They no longer serve your purpose. If you are trying to get better why would you stay at a lower level of support? You want people who think like you. As you grow and change so does the people in your life. You move off to different people of your new interests so you have someone to talk with, so you can continue to grow and better yourself. Why would you close yourself off to better relationships?

Somewhere out there could be your new best friend or a new and better lover? But until you let go, God cannot give you better than what you have. You have freewill to decide what you want. Everyone says that love hurts, but that’s not true. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all the pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. But you need to find that love within yourself. If you can’t figure out to love yourself then how the hell do you expect someone else to do it for you or know how to love you?

Everything changes, Go with the Flow. Sometimes we have to lose something precious to gain something priceless. In this new era of evolution of this planet, relationships are now forced to be truthful and honest. Always tell the truth, even if the other cannot handle it. Do not fear the consequences. You will be rewarded with freedom if you are always honest in your relationships. Never hurt the ones you love. Never!

I know when most of you read this chapter you will think of your loving relationships. Now you should also read it again thinking of your other relationships with friends, co-workers, and family. We have many kinds of relationships in our life. These words can be used with any one of them.

~There are dreamers and there are realist’s in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realist’s would find the realist’s but, more often than not, the opposite is true. You see the dreamers need the realist’s to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realist’s well, without the dreamers they might not ever get off the ground.

~Everything is backwards in society. Lust is mistaken for love, profits over people, greed over compassion, and happiness is measured by the “things” you accumulate. Where is the compassion, self-respect, and pride in oneself that resonates through seeing humanity as a reflection of the self? Females need to stop letting these insecure guys control their every move and take away their individuality… and then call it love. At the same time males need to de-condition themselves from these egotistical societal standards that have been perpetuated upon them. You are NOT measured by the amount of females that you have had, the type of cars you own or how many Nike’s you possess. You’re not a player. As a matter of fact you’re playing yourself into a shallow existence that dilutes your purpose of life and what you were destined to achieve. Kill the insecurities and embrace your imperfections for our uniqueness is the bond that holds us all close together! ~Free Your Mind and Think

~If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would tape each word and action and play them back throughout my days.

If I knew it would be the last time I would spare an extra minute or two to stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming you know I do.

So just in case tomorrow never comes and today is all I get, I’d like to say how much I love you and I hope we never will forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone young or old alike and today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

~ The greatest degree of inner tranquility comes from the development of love and compassion. The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. ~Dalai Lama

~ Everyone is my teacher. Some I seek. Some I subconsciously attract. Often I learn simply by observing others. Some may be completely unaware that I’m learning from them, yet I bow deeply in gratitude. However, as soon as anyone tries to ‘Impose’ their beliefs on me, attempting to convince or convert me, I walk away; for this is someone who wishes to control my mind, NOT Enlighten it. Remember, Learn from Every one you meet, but let NO ONE ‘Tell You’ what or how to think. ~Eric Allen

~ Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable.” ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers

~ If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.

~ That family is not a name for a group of people, but the quality of relationships between them. Relationships grounded in mutual love, trust, caring and forgiveness. In all the ups and all the downs of life. Look closely, – who is really your family, and who in truth are just strangers in for the ride?

~It only take seconds to hurt someone, but sometimes it takes years to repair the damage. Cherish the ones who love you.

~True love doesn’t have a happy ending. True love doesn’t have an ending.

~I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for the weekend?

~ I am grateful for the nights that turned into mornings, friends that turned into family, dreams that turned into reality, likes that turned into loves, and everyone who crossed my path along the way, no matter how long they stay. ~ Natalie Newman

~ Dear Human, You got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love, universal love, messy love, sweaty love, crazy love, broken love, and whole love infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… making mistakes often. You didn’t come here to be perfect, you already are. You came here to be a beautiful human flawed and fabulous. Here to rise again into remembering.

~Some people are just missing a screw, they are missing the whole fuckin tool box.

~ Everything that tries to kill me makes me feel alive.

__________________________________________________________________________

Thank you so much for reading. I love you!

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Copyright © 2011 by Natalie Newman All rights reserved

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