Chapter 5- Without the Darkness You Will Never Search for the Light

      ~Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction. The chain reaction of evil — hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars — must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.”~Martin Luther King, Jr.

You can’t talk about life without talking about the negative side of life.  At one point I feared the darkness.  I have been hit by fallen angels, dark entities and witchcraft it in the most grueling ways.  They want to stop me from finishing this book and helping you overcome fear, which is their control over everything.  Most of us don’t understand and/or fear the negative and dark sides of life.  Yes, they do exist.  Fact is 60% of humans are living in darkness and negativity.  They are in many different forms of life and moments of our life.  Negativity is a killer and the evil side just wants to assists you in going down the drain.  Being awake and aware keeps them from entering our lives and stops them from taking over our soul.  Darkness is needed to show us what we need to fix, push us forward to the light and happiness again, and teach the soul.

~Most people are searching for happiness outside of themselves. That’s a fundamental mistake. Happiness is something that you are, and it comes from the way that you think. ~Dr. Wayne Dyer

The 1st thing we need to understand is the negativity we generate around ourselves.  The hardest and deepest wounds we carry are losing THINGS.  We say goodbye to every single thing in our lives every day.  Sometimes it is just for a moment, or years or a lifetime.  When you close your eyes to sleep you can guarantee that tomorrow nothing will be the same.  You cannot go through life without sleeping because of your fear everything will be different or gone tomorrow.  So why do you hang on to the things that have passed their time or need to end?  It is the same.  Everything will be new and different in every way.  That is the magic of life.  It is cleansed and renewed every day of our lives, but most of us never see it.  What we have lost will be replaced with something else.  Still, we swim in negative fear without seeing the beautiful blessing sent in its place.  We walk around in our negative bubble crying over a loss when it is just a natural process of our journey.

The biggest negative energy we have is FEAR.  Fear is the root of ALL evil.  Fear is what makes evil survive.  Fear is what controls all of our bad behaviors, addictions, the torturing hell we put ourselves and everyone around us through.  Fear is something inside of OURSELVES we don’t want to look at or overcome and heal.  When we are filled with fear, our minds and bodies race in the wrong directions.  It closes our minds to the answers we need to hear to fix this problem.  Some of the worse behaviors that come from fear are judgment, rage, guilt, shame, anger, sadness, jealousy, blaming, unforgiveness and eventually the death of our soul.

~ “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” – Espavo

Judgment is an egotistical way of living in fear.  Pointing the finger at another for whatever reason we don’t want to look at ourselves or for others to look at our bad behavior.   When instead, we should empathize with them and not assume anything.  How can you judge another when you don’t even know them or understand the truth?  Judgments are 100% of the time WRONG.  We need to process the situation, listen and find the truth about that situation.  Only when we know the truth, can we then make a clear decision of how we feel about it.  Gossip is a killer.  We talk about others as if they have no feelings at all.  We say the most horrible things never knowing the real truth and cause damaging pain to another.

We have trained our brains to saying, “Holy shit, did you see what that person did?”  Instead, we need to train our brains to the truth.  What we should be saying is, “Holy shit, what pain or anger pushed this person to behave like this?”  We judge the action when really we should realize we have been given a huge warning signal that something is wrong.  Something is so wrong with that person that they have to let it out and act like that.  That is your signal from God they need help and can’t take it anymore.  Open your heart and realize happy people do not behave like damn idiots.  These people can’t hold that emotion in forever.  It is sad when it comes out and they can’t tell someone.  Instead, they blow the lid off their steaming pot.  We sit back and judge them for that and not who they really are or why it really happened.

As a child I learned in a very difficult way about how others judge and as an adult they are still saying the same thing never even knowing me as a person at all.  Yes, I am still in the same body but all these years later I am not the same person.  I was sexually molested by a pervert, in return the entire town pointed the finger AT ME.  People calling me the most knife cutting names at 11 years old, words like slut, dirty and whore.  What did I do?  When I needed help and support they condemned me instead for something that was not my fault.  With that seed planted you begin to become that person because they will not look at you any other way.  It was hell on earth which caused me to turn to drugs and alcohol to drown it all out.  All I really needed was love and someone to listen.

The worst thing you can do to yourself is judge yourself though the eyes of others.  To this day I am still facing this fear of what others think.  I was afraid to face the fear of everyone else’s opinion of me writing this book, being psychic, being a card reader, communicating with the dead, being a healer, talking to Angels, seeing Angels, praying, who I am now and who I will become in the future.  I had fear of rejection and a fear of others thinking I was crazy.  I had fear that nobody would believe me.  Writing this book is facing my fear and saying to everyone this is who I am.  Your opinions mean nothing to me, I love me and I realize you have ONE advantage over me.  You can kiss my ass and I can’t.  Enjoy it.

Be careful of who you judge.  You don’t know the path God has chosen for them and who they will become one day.  If you start to talk bad about another, before you OPEN your mouth, THINK!  Would you want another to talk about YOU like that?  What right do you have to say anything?  What is INSIDE YOU that makes you want to take another person down by verbally ripping them apart?  YOU’RE the one that is sick.  Those that judge and gossip have the darkest secrets in their own closets, so if you hear another gossiping about someone, you know they are hiding something FOR SURE.

So ask them “What the hell is wrong with YOU?”  People who love themselves don’t talk bad about others.  Relax…90% of haters are begging for love.  10% just want a little attention.  The one that angers you, controls you.  Don’t give anyone that power, especially the one who does it intentionally.  ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME!  Don’t judge me until you know me, don’t underestimate me until you challenge me and don’t talk about me until you’ve talked to me.



As she stood in front of her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children an untruth.  Like most teachers, she looked at her students and said that she loved them all the same. However, that was impossible, because there in the front row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.  Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed that he did not play well with the other children, that his clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In addition, Teddy could be unpleasant.  It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X’s and then putting a big “F” at the top of his papers.  At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child’s past records and she put Teddy’s off until last. However, when she reviewed his file, she was in for a surprise.

Teddy’s first grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is a bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners… he is a joy to be around..”  His second grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is an excellent student, well-liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle.”  His third grade teacher wrote, “His mother’s death has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his father doesn’t show much interest, and his home life will soon affect him if some steps aren’t taken.”  Teddy’s fourth grade teacher wrote, “Teddy is withdrawn and doesn’t show much interest in school. He doesn’t have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in class.”  By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for Teddy’s.

His present was clumsily wrapped in the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs. Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing, and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she stifled the children’s laughter when she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough to say, “Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mom used to.”

 After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy.  As she worked with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the class and, despite her lie that she would love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her “teacher’s pets.” A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his whole life.

Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in life.  Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things had been tough at times, he’d stayed in school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of honors. He assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite teacher he had ever had in his whole life.  Then four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time he explained that after he got his bachelor’s degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the best and favorite teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little longer…. The letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.

The story does not end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl and was going to be married.  He explained that his father had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs. Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his mother wearing on their last Christmas together.  They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs. Thompson’s ear, “Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel important and showing me that I could make a difference.”  Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She said, “Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn’t know how to teach until I met you.”

 If you see someone who is struggling to make friends or being bullied because he/she doesn’t have many friends or because they are shy or not as pretty or not dressed in the most “in” clothes — PLEASE step up.  Say hi or at least smile at them in anyway.  You never know what that person might be facing on the inside.  Your kindness might just make a BIG difference in someone’s life!  Remember, never judge a book by its cover!  You never know who that person can grow up to become.  Damaged people are dangerous because they know they can survive.  Albert Einstein struggled in school.  Thomas Edison was kicked out of high school.  Walt Disney got fired from a job because he supposedly lacked “good” ideas.  Natalie Newman was labeled every bad thing you can imagine and they said I would become nothing.  Understand?

Fear creates anger and rage inside us. When we can’t face the fear we run from it. We become victims and abusers. You have every right to feel rage or anger. Although hanging on to it becomes a hell inside that we take out on everyone around us. Understand it is something inside you that says “HELLO YOU! PLEASE LOOK AT ME, YOU NEED HELP.” Our subconscious says you need to deal with it. It surfaces because we are scared to face it. What you are spinning on is your attachments to THINGS and fear of healing it. It is so important to deal with it and stop carrying this weight on your shoulders. Everything that scares you is a chance to shed some light on who you are so you can better know yourself.

Anger and rage is a power. It is a power if we decide to use it correctly, we can see where it is coming from and how we project it. This fear you have generated into a tornado is yours and it is not correct to project it on anyone. It is clearly your fear you cannot fix. Nobody deserves to suffer because you cannot help yourself. It is what you hold inside. Everyone around you is there to support, guide and love you. We drag them through our hell and destroy them with what is inside us. People vomit their pain all over everyone else and can’t even see they are mirroring themselves.

Abuse is the most common reaction we have when we are angry. We yell, give bad looks, call names, hit or hurt others just to get it out. It is your hell honey, NOT THEIRS. We find any addiction to something that makes us feel better and NOT have to look inside. As a woman with a lifetime of abuse, I tried to realize they had a hell inside that they couldn’t get out, but I tried my best. You can’t help everyone. What is most important is saving yourself first. Cut the cords and move on. Unless you learn to face your own shadows, you will continue to see them in others because the world outside you is only a reflection of the world inside you. Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

~ Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.” ~ Lao Tzu

Don’t make a permanent decision for your temporary emotion. Take a time out for yourself to think when these negative emotions arise. What is really causing this? Take a moment and step out of it. Make a choice, even if you are not ready. Look at the situation if you are to continue to carry this fear or if you fix it. See how it feels when you walk away from it. Then see how it feels if you stay in it. Ask yourself if this will even matter a year from now? Don’t get trapped to any attachments. Evil wants to survive and thrive inside you. You are allowing it an open door to come on in and take over. You can’t “live” in that life.

What’s really sad is if you don’t wake up because your lower self says “NO, I AM NOT READY TO FACE MYSELF YET”. Unfortunately, you still have to process that fear and look at it. It will NEVER go away until you heal it. You can run but you can’t hide from yourself. It is your decision how long you want to live in that hell you have created with fear. Remember a seed must fall to the ground, then completely destroy itself before it can spread its roots and grow into a beautiful tree. Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO FALL APART IN ORDER TO BE ABLE TO PUT YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER AGAIN.

~ Anger cannot be overcome by anger. If someone is angry with you, and you show anger in return, the result is a disaster. On the other hand, if you control your anger and show its opposite – love, compassion, tolerance and patience – not only will you remain peaceful, but the other person’s anger will also diminish. ~ Dahlai Lama

Even when you do something wrong, even when you fail, even when you make poor choices, you are loved. God is not a punisher. No doubt YOU will punish yourself enough for your mistakes. The question is: Will you try to do the right thing next time? Will you learn from your mistakes? Will you keep on loving and caring to the best of your ability? Be proud of the scars in your soul. They will help you and teach you. Tragedies do happen. We can discover the reason, blame others, imagine how different our lives would be had they not occurred. But none of that is important. They DID occur and so be it.

~Energy flows where attention goes! ~ Michael Beckwith

From there onward we must put aside the fear that they awoke in us and begin to rebuild. There are those days when it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other, but those are the days when champions are created. Every little part of you is magical. Yes, even the parts that hurt and even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It’s alright to love what is feeling pain. More than alright, that’s exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it. Smile at yourself through it, and whisper: ”I love you.”

Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence, and face your future without fear. Your heart can break, your soul can ache, your confidence can shake, your smile can be fake, but your life is never a mistake. Before a new chapter has begun, the old one has to be finished. Tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you COULD live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable; a habit is not a need. Look in the mirror and say, “I do have negative behaviors and thoughts, I am still finding my own path, and it’s okay. I am going to do the best I can to be positive and rise above them.”

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. Most people would learn from their mistakes if they weren’t so busy denying them. If you’re not getting paid to hate or be miserable, stop working for free. To be a star, you must shine your own light, follow your own path, and don’t worry about the darkness, for that is when the stars shine the brightest. The only restriction is the limitation in your beliefs that prevents you from breaking free from self-made imprisonment. He who angers you, controls you. Your imagination is the place where your future experiences are constructed. Your energy of love is so powerful that it can heal anything, including your future. The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it. Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you got a bad life.

~Define success and prosperity on your own terms. Begin to build your own life based on love, compassion and respect, both for yourself and for others.

~Nurture your spiritual foundation and build a peaceful center within, a center which will withstand the setbacks and obstacles which are a natural part of life and growth, making you stronger as you meet each challenge.

~Find out what is truly important to you, what feeds your deepest core, what builds you up inside, and follow this, do this, no matter what anyone else says, no matter what society directs.

~You are fully responsible for your life and you can make it beautiful and fulfilling, your interior world a safe harbor you turn to and your outer world a loving gift.~Quado

~To notice the mistakes, to criticize, humiliate and talk about others is often easier to do than to acknowledge our own mistakes. ~Luke 6:42 Bible

Furthermore, I also want to address another side of fear. Your intuition that tells you something is not right. When you feel the hair stand up or your body change to fear instantly, YOU BETTER LISTEN. That is God and your inner self warning you to protect yourself now. You are given these signs as a big alarm to help yourself immediately. This type of fear is a warning. Never discredit it and let it go to your head. When you feel the feeling of fear that is enough. When you start to think about it, then you justify it. You change it and make it something else. Then walk right into hell. If your mind says take the scenic route, then do it. You could be avoiding a car accident.

Never forget you have complete control to change the outcome. You never have to be nice if you feel fear. Humans are the stupidest creatures on Earth. Animals instantly run when they sense danger. People think about it and walk straight into it.

Reclaim your life and stop being a victim. You are smarter than you ever dreamed. You have the ability to stop many bad things from happening to you before they happen. If you do not listen it is really your own fault. When in doubt, ignore your thoughts and pay attention to your body. Your body never lies. Do not let the thoughts take you one step farther. If it doesn’t feel right- LISTEN.

~There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life~ John Lennon

~Be consciously aware of your thoughts and emotions and how they are translated into energy. Then take your energy out of your mind and center it in your heart and your solar plexus. Find there the light that is burning, the storehouse of energy that you are generating. Then open and allow yourself to glow.

~From your center, glow with peace and a deep understanding of your personal truth. This is who you are and you can learn to project it out energetically. And from your heart, glow with love. Take your truth and move it through love, compassion and tolerance before presenting your truth to the world.

~Consciously cease reflecting energy from others and instead move to your own storehouse of self-generated energy. You will find that the supply is endless. And the more energy you project from these centers, the more powerful and energetic you will feel. The more you glow from within, the less exhausted you will be from trying to fend off other energies you do not care for. Make your glow so strong, that you are never concerned with what others project. You are glowing with self and truth, love and peace, and it is enough. ~Quad

~People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you’re fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

~ At the center of all human beings is the place of good. That includes myself. At my very core is good. I can find this place by staying free of resentments, fear, dishonesty and self-seeking motives. ~Native American elder

~ Anytime you feel negative emotion, stop and say: Something is important here, otherwise, I would not be feeling this negative emotion. What is it that I want? And then simply turn your attention to what you do want. In the moment you turn your attention to what you want, the negative attraction will stop; and in the moment the negative attraction stops, the positive attraction will begin. And—in that moment—your feeling will change from not feeling good to feeling good.

~Don’t play with woulda, coulda, shoulda, cause they won’t ever play fair. Don’t stress the could haves, if it should have, it would have. ~ Natalie Newman

~Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.

~When you have done something wrong, admit it and be sorry. Nobody in history has ever choked to death from swallowing his pride.

~Discomfort is the call to set yourself free. ~ Bryon Katie


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