Chapter 10 pt2- A Treasure is Found

While I was writing the end of the book I had to clean out a desk because it needed to go to a different room in my house.   What I found was shocking.  I came across an old school folder from 1984-1985.  I was 14-15 years old at that time.  I thought this folder was long gone and forgot it even existed.  But the best part about it was, it was filled with about 50 poems I had written.  It was interesting to see who I was then and who I am now.  I would love to share some of them with you.  It is surprising how I thought back almost 30 years ago and how I think now.  Not much has changed I just healed myself and found more faith.  I always had a dream to be free of pain and help others.

 

The first one was written about myself at 15 years old.  It is about killing myself with drugs and how I looked at what I had done to myself.

 

Why? 

by Natalie Newman- 1985

I turned and looked away.  I couldn’t face you. 

You just laid there.  I didn’t know what to do

I gave you my flower.  I put it between your hands.

I couldn’t take this.  I couldn’t understand.

We were friends, for many years

We shared so much, laughter, dreams and tears.

I looked upon you, with all the memories.

You looked so beautiful, just like a fantasy

Then the tears began to roll, as I sat and looked.

Why did you start?  Why did you get hooked?

That was the wrong way out.  Why did you use drugs?

I could have helped you.  I could have talked to you and given you a hug.

Now you’re not here.  I can’t love you anymore.

You won’t be here to talk to, or to do things like before.

I looked up to the sky.  I wanted to run and hide.

Why didn’t you come to me?  Why suicide?

Someday I’ll be with you.  But for now you’re in my heart.

You were so young.  Your life was only at its start

As they took you away, I turned my head to above.

And I thanked God for your life and all of your love.

 

 

The next one was a prayer I had written at 14 years old.

 

Dear God,

Help me please to stand strong.  To face the world at its worst.

To help me complete the race of life, even if I don’t finish in first.

Glide along beside me.  As I walk a lonely road.

Be happy and love me, cause life’s a very heavy load.

Please guide and direct me. On my most dangerous ride

Cause I need you my friend.  I need you by my side.

This next poem was written at 14 years old.

 

Just You and Me

 by Natalie Newman- 1984

Why is life so cruel?  Why is it so mean?

Pictures show it so beautiful.  But that’s the only way they see.

They show it with loves songs, beautiful friendships and friends that love you.

Everything seems so perfect.  But only in a picture can you see it so untrue.

You go on so unhappy, wanting to cry.

You need somebody.  Somebody to stand by.

To lead you on, to make you smile.

Someone hold you and make life worthwhile.

But these people seem so far away.  So very hard to find. 

It seems like none loves you and everyone’s so unkind.

We all know life’s so cruel, but that’s the way it must be.

We have to hang on to each other.  Just you and me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another one from 14 years old.

 

You, an Empty Space

by Natalie Newman-1984

You told me it was over.  That we were through.

At first I couldn’t believe.  Now I realize it’s true.

I still love you so very much.  You don’t seem to care.

When you left me all I could do is stare.

There’s much I have to say to you.  So many reasons why.

I still love you.  I can’t say I don’t, that’s a lie.

I know you won’t come back, but I like to pretend you will.

It makes me want to go on.  It sort-of gives me a thrill.

I still have dreams of you.  I keep them inside.

I thought I could give you up.  Now I can’t decide.

Why?  Why do I hold onto you?

I loved you so much.  I just can’t face the fact we’re through.

You left me with nothing, but a memory of you face.

And the time we spent together.  There’s just and empty space.

 

 

 

 

This was from 15 years old.

 

 

Life

by Natalie Newman-1985

I reached for a dream.  But the dream was too high.

I yearned for happiness.  But all I do is cry.

Life is quickly passing.   And dragging me along.

I am waiting to be loved.  But time is passing on.

All I have is sadness.  All locked up inside.

I need to get away.  I need somewhere to hide.

I always wear a smile, but inside I want to cry.

I act like things are great, but the tears will never dry.

 

 

 

 

The Streets

by Natalie Newman-1985

The streets are misty in the morning light.

It’s time to make a move to change my life.

I gotta make my dreams come true.

Cause I know there’s something more inside of me.

Cause I’m losing my mind living their life.

I won’t get nowhere, if I don’t break free.

I am not running away, but I just gotta try to live my life.

I hear the siren and I feel the heat.

A child cries alone, and dies without a fight.

And all these dead end streets keep telling me

I’m losing my chance the longer I wait.

They say you can’t escape your destiny.

So I’m making my move, before it’s too late.

Break out tonight.  The doors within my reach and I don’t need no key.

I got the power and I want the glory.

And now it’s time to do or die.

I wanna make my dreams reality.

But something’s got me caught in a bind.

 

They try to tear me down and keep me in. 

So I have to break open the cage, if I wanna fly.

Please God help me.

 

 

 

Let Me Be

by Natalie Newman-1984

I’m sitting down thinking about losing my mind.

Cause I keep telling myself I’m only one of a kind.

My life is broken because my dreams are being shattered.

For so very long nothing else mattered.

But I’m living to lose and dying to win.

With those people around here, my patience wears thin.

Yeah, I’m trying to get away, get away from it all

 and I’m not gonna crawl.

The dream never dies. That’s why I write this. 

I’m hearing cries in the night.

I can’t wait another day.  Tell me no lies.

I’m standing cold in the light.

I lose the dream and I’ll go crazy.

I’m hearing cries in the night. 

Time never waits, time never ends.

You thought it was gone but the fire goes on.

And I thought you knew me and I told you before.

That I’ll never run free

I have enough pain and anger in my brain to last many lifetimes.

Yet, it still grows and the more that it shows, I won’t have peace of mind.

The fires still burns, the fire to be free.

I have a dream and as strange as it seems, there is no embers glowing.

The fires gone out and there’s no need to shout.

I’m gonna be me, get out of my way.

Why does no one seem to understand?

It’s so hard to carry on when all your dreams have come undone.

I beg for freedom.  Leave me be.

Just leave me alone.

Let me be who I want to be.  Let me run free.

 

 

The River

by Natalie Newman-1984

The river floats on hopelessly, with not a destiny.

For this very reason, it resembles me.

We both drift on in loneliness.

As a force pulls us dreadfully on.

And we unwillingly enter tomorrow

Sensing it soon will be gone.

We go where the currents take us.

And take it one day at a time.

Since we have not a dream to reach for,

Nor can we pick a mountain to climb.

No purpose for being, nowhere to go.

These problems we both face each day.

So you can see we have so much in common.

And need someone or something to lead us the way.

 

A Piece of You

by Natalie Newman-1984

When a piece of you is taken, from deep inside you.

One that made you happy.  A happy you never knew.

You feel left all alone with nowhere to run.

You feel you haven’t a life.  That there’ll be no more fun.

Don’t let that piece be taken forever.  Move on, move forward.

Don’t let anyone stop you.  Just fly high like a bird.

Spread your wings, reach out be strong.

Cause you are great and that could never be wrong.

Happiness will come soon.  Don’t dwell on what’s just been done

Cause there’s so many more.  He’s not the only one!

 

The next two poems were written for my mystery dream man I used to fantasize about but never met.  Well, 28 years later I finally found him.  Never give up on your dreams.  When you are ready the “right one” will come.

 

Him

by Natalie Newman-1984

We know not a single thing about one another.

But I just keep wanting you.  Just wanting to be your lover.

You sit there with eyes inviting me in.

But my dreams run too far, much farther than sin.

Your body I want, so much to hold.

My fantasies are so beautiful, but could never be told.

Maybe someday I will get a hold of you.

But until then, I’ll dream precious dreams and hope they’ll come true.

 

If I am Dreaming

by Natalie Newman-1984

If I’m dreaming don’t wake me.  I don’t want it to end.

It’s all too good to be true.  Please don’t wake me my friend.

It’s been so beautiful, us hand in hand. 

Walking together alone, to wake I could not stand.

Being with you, looking into your eyes,

and feeling you close to me.

I hope this dream never dies.

I never want to move as I dream making love to you.

As we lay close to each other.  It seems all too good to be true.

The feel of you, a feeling of love, that only we can see.

I cherish these moments together.

And if I’m dreaming please don’t wake me.

 

~The only people who get somewhere interesting are those who get lost. ~ Natalie Newman- 1985

 

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